If sexual intercourse began in 1963, as Philip Larkin told us, then it might just as well be said that institutional Christianity has been shy of the discovery none the less. We do well to appreciate the gulf between lofty dissection and popular practice. Once again the self-preserving instinct of an institution is at odds with the untidy experience of the people who listen to – or fail to notice – what older and possibly wiser heads are saying. If an inquiry with the blameless label of Living in Love and Faith is to make headway with the populace, it is no more than common sense to recognise the mountainous nature of any attempt to reconcile sexual passion with an institutional regimen. Good humour helps.
We don’t live long in this world before we notice that long-term sexual partnership is as much about companionship and cuddles as it is about the big event. Couples not only sleep in the same bed. They talk, eat, laugh, travel, weep and relax together. Hopefully when they disagree, they compose their differences amicably. They practise that faith, hope and love that are extolled in 1 Corinthians 13. And if they are smiled at for their ingenuousness, as they might well be, they are happy to be the easy-going target of observers’ barbs.
Children have teddy bears and other cuddly companions. Grown-ups have pets. The toddler and the cat-owner happily enjoy administering TLC even if the response is patronising in the case of the cat and non-existent in the case of the bear. In both cases the initiator of the TLC takes pleasure in the activity and the recipient benefits (in silence in the case of the bear; in purring in the case of the cat) in predictable fashion.
Cuddling or cradling are pleasurable activities that help to make the world go round. Mother-love is some way beyond the scope of wedded or children’s dreams. It can be a fierce protectionism or an extravagant indulgence. It may satisfy the mother but it is an altogether altruistic thing. It is a dedication to the well-being of the child and the child in receipt of it is highly favoured indeed. It gives us some indication of the grace of God towards his children.
The Song of Solomon celebrates sexual rapture. Whatever learned experts say about hugging, it will be water off a duck’s back to passionate English men and women if it is not accompanied by an indication that the experts are familiar with the everyday world. We British have recently learned to hug. It is not our custom. But now we hug all and sundry. We are quite good at it. Let’s hope the experts are.
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