I asked Humpty to find me a church customer (i.e. worshipper) with a mind of his or her own. He did me proud. There may be other readers of this blog of the same ilk; none surely more outspoken. This is what he wrote for Humpty and me.
‘I know what I want when I join a church. If I don’t get it, I try elsewhere. At present I am more or less settled in a parish church but I think my vicar has not quite got his head around the idea of pick and choose customers. He relies on brand loyalty and on deference to vicar’s choice in worship.
‘With my background in marketing I find it odd. In every daily activity – shopping, transport, education – I am accustomed to choose. I shop where I will and buy the things I like. I catch a bus unless it proves unreliable. I place my children in a school of my choice and don’t expect to be told what that is. When it comes to what you might call our primary human activity – worship – things are quite different. I can attend one church rather than another but I can have no input. Everything is predetermined. I have no say in which hymns are chosen, for example.
‘So here is my first point. When I am selecting one church out of others on display, I expect to be heard when I state my preferences. It so happens, for example, that I like well-trained voices. I like good music. If the choral singing is erratic or unrehearsed, I begin to think in terms of elsewhere.
‘Similarly, I look for competent reading of the Scriptures. The reading of the lessons is a serious matter. That means rehearsal and time spent by a coach on giving advice. But, you say, the vicar has other claims on his time? What better claim than giving God the best? Even the most average am-dram performer knows that there comes a point when a willing performer has to be replaced.
‘Things can get a bit awkward at this point. I find I am outstaying my welcome. I know that a church, like any organisation, has to have people in charge. I know that if I found the perfect church and joined it, it would immediately cease to be perfect. But is it too much to ask to expect a little customer research before we plan our worship? Where did I go wrong?’
So much for Humpty’s friend.
So where did he go wrong? Was he wrong to look for a perfect church? Was he wrong to expect his preferences to be taken seriously? Should we welcome contributions from individuals? We come back to difficult questions like: ‘Who owns the Church?’ and: ‘Is the Corinthian Church something to emulate?’ And we should never forget that people who don’t go to church have tastes and opinions.
PALIN BACKS NCT
‘There is hope,’ said Michael Palin. As vice-president of the National Churches Trust, he expressed his concern about places of worship falling into disrepair. ‘More and more churches are adapting to the modern world,’ he said, citing food banks and youth clubs. He added: ‘Do get involved with the debate about the future of churches and help to shape their future.’
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